A Difficult Couple of weeks

When i was told that the damage to my back and the nerves was permanent and that i wouldn't regain the use of my leg i took it on the chin and thought right lets get on, there is nothing that they can do so its damage limitation time!! i took the offer of an OP to stop any further loss of mobility after being told that there was a chance of being totally paralysed from the waist down .. who wouldn't ?? then it was down to dealing with the day to day reality of pain management, DLA claims,   uurrgh what a nightmare!!  mobility, adapting a car so i could drive, the list of things is endless and there isn't anyone to tell you whats available, trying to get help or advise is like getting blood from a stone unbelievably difficult, but you slowly find things out, some one tells you of  a wheel chair scheme or constant pestering gets you an OT, in fact it is such a busy time that stopping to think about what has happened and truly facing and understanding the dramatic change in life kind of gets pushed a side .. but it is there you have to face what has occurred eventually and bang it hits out of the blue ..well at least this is what happened to me the other week,  it was like all of the emotion that i didn't have at the beginning was stored up waiting like a predator in the back ground & boy did it pounce i felt l all the energy, life, spark just drain away there was nothing just an empty hollow black feeling i couldn't see the point of getting up, of eating of doing anything i certainly had no artistic inclinations whatsoever, it didn't just go away either, each day was the same and as  the days were going on i was sinking further, but you know there is no one who you can talk to, no help or therapy has been offered, so it is your nearest n dearest who have to try and cope and support you, now I'm not one for giving in and i knew i would come through and sure enough after a week or two, i felt a tiny spark in side, that was all i needed to get going again and could start to paint and get up in the morning and see the positive side of life , but it has made me aware that there are things that need addressing and i need to get some help to talk over how to cope not just physically but mentally and emotionally with becoming disabled .i write this because i want  to let you know that  i am still here and why i haven't posted anything just lately , i am painting again and will have something new to post up very soon, also i want to thank all of you who support me here, on facebook and twitter your support is invaluable, although you may not have known it you have given me so much through your comments or just by following, thank you from the bottom of my heart love n respect as all ways shep xx